Patience

A virtue is a particular moral excellence. This is one of the base definitions of a virtue. And what do “they” always say…patience is a virtue. I actually think it’s one of the only truly noble virtues (but that’s me). Well, since Dad’s stroke it appears everyone’s patience has been tested, Dad’s included. I suppose this is to be expected. We are in a sort of hurry up and wait scenario and while each new day provides the opportunity for improvement, it seems like that doesn’t necessarily happen every day, which can obviously lead to frustration. The more time that passes though, the more we will be able to look back at the progress made yesterday and the progress already made in days past and be able to say look how far he’s come, compared to where he was. And Dad does make little improvements we don’t even see every day. With the exception of his stint on Grant 5, he has not gone backwards but continues to propel himself forwards. He can tense the muscles in his right leg to the point of being able to lift his foot an inch or so off his bed. While he may not think that’s a huge leap, I think it’s tremendous and have to remind him sometimes that just a month ago he could not do that, to which he then agrees. It’s the same with eating. We can now bring him food from home or from where ever, so he doesn’t have to eat the somewhat tasteless meals he gets from the hospital, compared to just over a month ago when they had to install a PEG because he had no gag reflux. He is also attempting to use new words every day and is successful a good part of the time, whereas a month ago he really could only say yes and no. I was talking to Dad’s friend Bill last night on the phone and he was telling me about how Dad spoke what time it was yesterday while Bill was visiting with him. I could hear in Bill’s voice though, the seeming urgency to have things happen faster. I said to him, a little bit every day is all we can hope for and that every little bit is amazing. I said it all takes time and we just have to be patient. He replied back saying he was very patient for things that happened now. I laughed. That seems to be what everyone is thinking and feeling. I guess it’s human nature, yet impatience is counterproductive. It leads to frustration and frustration needs to be squelched much like fear. None of these things have a place in this here and now, not with this.  

Besides what are we waiting for? What are we impatient about? That Dad didn’t have the kind of stroke you just bounce back from, like so many other people I read about? He didn’t and it’s going to take a long time to recover and even then what his recovery will be we don’t know (but I’m so dam optimistic it’s disgusting sometimes, so I have faith). Yes, there will be a point Dad will be able to come home, yes there will always be room for improvements and rehabilitation after this stroke, but this what it is right now. To expect anything more or less, well you are only fooling yourself.   

For example, I used to be incredibly impatient, for most of my youth and a chunk of my adulthood. Everyone who knew me knew it too and on top of it I had a horrible temper, because of my impatience. My friends now laugh when I tell them this because they know me to be the complete opposite of this and can’t even picture me losing my temper let alone not being patient with them on just about anything. I learned patience, because of something I loved and as a result became one of the most patient people you will ever meet. Take the movie Shawshank Redemption (one of the best Stephen King adaptations by the way) and put yourself in Andy Dufresnes position. Then think about spending the next several decades slowly picking away, biding your time, patiently waiting and working towards a specific goal. Think you could do it? I know I could. You can, if it’s important to you, if it’s something you love, if it’s someone you love. Heed my example. If I could devout myself and patiently wait for something that never happened, then anybody can with something that can happen. Everyone just needs to be patient, because it really is the only noble virtue.