You Just Do It

I'm sometimes asked how I do it? How am I able to take care of both my parents and yet still maintain sanity? Our family friend Mr. C calls me Cinderella, when he comes over. I laugh every time I hear that name.
You know, at first it was Dad after the stroke. However, as Mom has progressively worsened over the last two years, especially with her arthritis, I'm now also taking care of her. Despite, everything, things are pretty settled this year. No strokes, no seizures and only 1 ambulance sugar low call made (knock on wood). Really it's been a pretty good year so far.
All joking aside, the only thing I can say and the only advice I can give is you just do it. While I do see similarities between my friends raising their kids and me taking care of my parents, it really is completely and utterly different in so many ways. With few exceptions, one of the most dramatic ways it's different is that your kids grow up to live adult lives. When you can't sleep because you have a crying toddler, in the back of your mind you have to know it won't last forever (even though it may seem like it does). Taking care of parents, on the other hand, is more about maintaining a quality of life that is winding it's way down rather than preparing an individual to go out into the world. There aren't graduations to go to, weddings to anticipate, grandchildren to look forward to. You are just protecting the quality of life for the people you love.
You do it with love and empathy, patience and kindness. You do it, sometimes while biting your tongue in silence. You do it without complaint. You do it because again, as someone pointed out to me, you are thinking of the we and not the I. When you think of others I truly think the they and the you become the we. And I mean this in the most altruistic way possible, not just a self serving way disguised as altruism. Is it easy? Some days are better than others, but that's life isn't it? Is it worth it? Maybe for you it's not. For myself, personally if it's the one right thing I do in my life, well then, it's the least I can do.

Respite

This weekend marks the second time I leave Mom and Dad for a vacation. For the last week or so Dad keeps asking me when I'm going away. Once again my brother is coming up to stay the long weekend. Half jokingly I gave him a list of things that he can do this weekend. All little tasks I get out of for the moment. Little things like haircuts. Dad goes to a barber in town who only accepts cash. Mom goes to Supercuts in one of the Wal-Mart's several towns over. Friday is Dad's bi-weekly protime test at Dr. Biswa's office. PJ has heard so much about Dr. Biswas and now gets to meet him and see how the routine is done. There's food shopping to be done. With Mom's congestive heart failure limiting her diet to 2000 milligrams of salt a day, that cuts out virtually anything processed you would buy in the supermarket. So just about everything we make is from scratch. Then there are the animals to look after, Loki, Fritz and now the chickens. PJ asked, with regards to the chickens, "I just have to open the coop door in the morning, close it at night, make sure they have food and water and get the eggs right?" Yes, that's all you have to do. It's a cakewalk.
I'm sure I will have lists for this and that when he shows up on Friday. Either way, the world isn't going to end while I'm gone. Instead it will merely take a respite for a few days and then return to normal when I get back.    

Traditions That Keep On Changing

There are only a few traditions we still hold true. One of them is Easter dinner. Physical ailments may keep Mom and Dad from attending church every week, but for them Easter is a big Holiday. For any Christian, well it is the Holiday.

I'm reminded of Easter two years ago when we got special permission to steal Dad away from the nursing facility Stillwater and drive him down to Rockland where PJ and Frank were hosting Easter at the Inn. What a lifetime ago that seems. This year it was just the five of us. 

The menu this year was as follows: Dad likes ham, so we had ham. I like roast beef so we had roast beef. Mom likes cheesecake, so she and I made cheesecake. Frank made his families traditional Italian Easter Bread (which is delicious), I made my Portuguese Sweet Bread. I decided to switch it up a little this year and made onion, bacon and leek scalloped potatoes. Baby asparagus is on sale this time of year. You can't go wrong with asparagus sauteed in butter, olive oil and sea salt. Lastly, in the spirit of spring and despite the foot or so of snow still prevalent on the ground, I made a citrius sangria topped with  pomegranate seltzer. It's spring dangit!